Long time gone...

It's been a while since my last post. Like freaking five months! Lots of things happened in between. Happiness and sadness revolved me through out the period. There's so much things that I wanna share. Put each and every one of experience I had in words. But words weren't enough to express what I felt.

I knew that I had to be stronger each day passed by. Or at least strong enough to pull myself through. I had heard comforting words of wisdom, even cynical and razor-sharp comments on what I ventured. Some I would not consider lightly. Like motivations. Some I would pass like I never heard of them. Too painful.

I had two prominent personal tragedy within three months. Yes, three months. Two miscarriages within three months to be exact. Conceived...miscarried...conceived...miscarried...I could not express how devastated and sad I was. But those experience did leave me some points to ponder. Was I not strong and healthy enough to carry anymore children? Was I fated to conceive and miscarry everytime I had the chance? Would my husband love me still? Questions bombarded my thoughts in every single breath I took.

What I had shared here was not asking anyone to feel pity towards me. And if anyone would think so, it was beyond my intention. It's something that now I understood how women with miscarriage experience would have felt.

My husband was very supportive through out my black episodes. I would not want to wonder how I would proceed with my life without him. He's my angel. Enough said. Our 3rd anniversary was simple. Yet left me with happiness and gratitude towards each other.