It's been a while since my last post. Like freaking five months! Lots of things happened in between. Happiness and sadness revolved me through out the period. There's so much things that I wanna share. Put each and every one of experience I had in words. But words weren't enough to express what I felt.
I knew that I had to be stronger each day passed by. Or at least strong enough to pull myself through. I had heard comforting words of wisdom, even cynical and razor-sharp comments on what I ventured. Some I would not consider lightly. Like motivations. Some I would pass like I never heard of them. Too painful.
I had two prominent personal tragedy within three months. Yes, three months. Two miscarriages within three months to be exact. Conceived...miscarried...conceived...miscarried...I could not express how devastated and sad I was. But those experience did leave me some points to ponder. Was I not strong and healthy enough to carry anymore children? Was I fated to conceive and miscarry everytime I had the chance? Would my husband love me still? Questions bombarded my thoughts in every single breath I took.
What I had shared here was not asking anyone to feel pity towards me. And if anyone would think so, it was beyond my intention. It's something that now I understood how women with miscarriage experience would have felt.
My husband was very supportive through out my black episodes. I would not want to wonder how I would proceed with my life without him. He's my angel. Enough said. Our 3rd anniversary was simple. Yet left me with happiness and gratitude towards each other.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
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