Long time gone...

It's been a while since my last post. Like freaking five months! Lots of things happened in between. Happiness and sadness revolved me through out the period. There's so much things that I wanna share. Put each and every one of experience I had in words. But words weren't enough to express what I felt.

I knew that I had to be stronger each day passed by. Or at least strong enough to pull myself through. I had heard comforting words of wisdom, even cynical and razor-sharp comments on what I ventured. Some I would not consider lightly. Like motivations. Some I would pass like I never heard of them. Too painful.

I had two prominent personal tragedy within three months. Yes, three months. Two miscarriages within three months to be exact. Conceived...miscarried...conceived...miscarried...I could not express how devastated and sad I was. But those experience did leave me some points to ponder. Was I not strong and healthy enough to carry anymore children? Was I fated to conceive and miscarry everytime I had the chance? Would my husband love me still? Questions bombarded my thoughts in every single breath I took.

What I had shared here was not asking anyone to feel pity towards me. And if anyone would think so, it was beyond my intention. It's something that now I understood how women with miscarriage experience would have felt.

My husband was very supportive through out my black episodes. I would not want to wonder how I would proceed with my life without him. He's my angel. Enough said. Our 3rd anniversary was simple. Yet left me with happiness and gratitude towards each other.

A Warm Yesterday...

Yesterday me and Hubby had a warm talk. Warm talk? Watteheck is 'warm talk'? What do I care. Yes, we had a talk. A nice one.

Nothing serious. Just sitting side by side, cuddling in each other's arms and looking at Zaim playing around with his toys. Kekadang Zaim menyibuk gak kt tengah² haha. Enjoying each other's company. Talking about our future plans and all.

It got me to thinking. We only had that moments after we got back from work, outing etc. And how much time that we have missed on that sentimental touch because of our commitments to work, daily plans and all.

A plan came to my mind. Some holiday would be a great escapade. Hubby if you're reading this, you know what to do heheeh.

Sempurna

A song by Andra And The Backbone. My current fav song. I dedicate this song to the most important men of my life, Zaidi and Zaim. Oh, not to forget, my dearie Papa Safian! My life is complete now. Love you much ;-)

Kau begitu sempurna
Di mataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan selalu memujamu

Di setiap langkahku ku kanselalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa ku bayangkanHidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku tak kan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adlah hidup ku lengkapi diriku oh sayang engkau begitu sempurna .. sempurna

Kau genggam tanganku saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh kau bisikkan dan hapus semua sesalku

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidup ku lengkapi diriku oh sayang engkau begitu sempurna .. sempurna

Sayangku engkau begitu sempurna.. sempurna.. sempurna..

In a deep thought

I'm in a deep thought...

Very very deep...

Clock's ticking...

Time flies...

Am still in a deep thought...


Wait a minute...

Why am I still in a deep thought...

Get back to work!

On the Cloud Nine

Okay...this maybe ordinary act for certain people. But to me those acts made me melt down and I cried happily for that. Last Monday, I worked like usual. No, am not like other people enjoying their National Day off that Monday.

It was day one fasting. Woke up like usual. Had our sahur with oat and dates. To me it was enough since I'm not a heavy eater during sahur. Sent Zaim to Ma's place and Hubby sent me to office. My work ended at seven o'clock and it was raining. Thank God, Hubby came to the rescue and picked me up.

We had our 1st buka puasa in the car with dates and some kuih he brought from home. I was almost wet, uncomfortable but thankful for that beautiful day. Didn't go to terawikh since I was too tired. Hubby didn't too. Poor him. He must be exhausted that day.

This morning during sahur he made me even touched to my heart. Hubby made us rice and oat porridge with steamed sausage. Didn't finish the meal but it was worth the effort.

With all these acts, I felt like walking on the cloud nine. These simple acts made me love him even more. Cherish him even more. I'm very fortunate to have him as my hubby. And I thank him much for that.

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu
Apapun terjadi
Kujanjikan aku ada

- Quoted from song - Aku Mau by Once

August - My Super Busy Month

Every day in August was such a busy day. No weekends I have not done anything except going out here and there. Luckily Hubby was a sport. Whenever I say I wanna go here, I wanna go there; well basically he's my transport and brought me there. And I thank him for that. Made me loving him even more - (on the cloud nine statement hahah)

August was full of events. We had wedding, aqiqah and convocation during the whole month! Imagine how tired and broke we were? Can't tell ya. Tired of walking, talking and laughing. Did I mention that all my cousins love to laugh till we got tired? Wait and see. I'll try to find pictures of us laughing kay. Yes we're broke buying gifts and all. But it was worth it.

Nenek, Usu and Dina came all the way from Sibu just to celebrate Ain's convocation. It was raining and the event was a bit dissappointing. But I'm sure Ain was happy that she could gather the whole family to celebrate her grand day. And she made us wear red on that day. Patut la hujan haha. One more thing. She even brought along her BF to be introduced to us. Kakak borek Adik rintik hahah. Been there, done that. That's how I introduced my BF (now Hubby) to my family! Ah pecah rahsiaku hehe..

Oh, not to forget we had endless birthdays. My mama, Ain, my Mom-in-Law, my Dad-in-Law and many many friends. My cousin got a baby boy on 080808. Even my best friend, Za gave birth to a baby boy on August 11! I guess I should have an August baby as well so that we could make big birthday bash to celebrate hoho! Talk about family planning.

My Family - The Portrait

I love those pics!! Many many thanks to Zubye for the ever stunning portrait that she captured.

I'm going to celebrate this upcoming Aidilfitri at my in-laws place so definitely I won't be with my family as they're celebrating raya at Kuala Kangsar. Gosh I'm gonna be sob sob that day huhu. I was like, "Ah, no family photo on that day". I have thought too far I think.

So, I planned something special for my family especially Ma and Pa so that they wouldn’t miss me so much that day. Besides, I could give an extra special gift for their 30^th anniversary. A great photo shoot with Zubye came into my mind. After I’ve engaged her during Zaim’s 1^st birthday bash before, I thought it would be exciting if we do it again but for this time it’s gonna be only us. Cos my sisters all complaining that my face was all around the whole album! Talk about stealing the birthday boy limelight haha.

Then another thought came into my mind. How about putting the photo on the Raya card as well as angpow! My plans got agreeable feedback from my family especially my sisters. But at first Ma and Pa weren’t comfortable with the idea of wearing baju raya cos they thought it would have been nicer if we take casual wear photo. I had quite a rough times just to convince them with this PS. After much persuasion then only the PS came true.

So, I chose Taman Tasik Timur as our location. In fact I went there a week earlier just to make sure that it would be an ideal place to have our family PS. I was satisfied with the place and funny that I bumped into Zubye whom shooting for another family there too. Except for the mosquitoes flying around and irritated me with their sounds and all. I hoped that none on us gonna get mosquito bites that day!

When the day came, everything went well. We had a great time showing-off our talent in striking any pose. Ma and Pa was a bit shy shy at first but naturally became camera friendly. All my sisters were gediks but turned quite sweet when we had our father-daughter and mother-daughter sessions especially the salam-salam part. Zaim was the star that day. He was adorable in maroon baju melayu which I bought a week earlier. Talk about how much I spent for the whole PS – priceless!

So here they are, enjoy the shots!

My Lil' Prince

Meet my lil' prince, Ahmad Zaim Safwan.

He was born on June 13, 2007 at Serdang Hospital almost 3 o'clock in the morning. Weighing 3.6kg at birth (berat tak?), he was really a handsome baby that melted the hearts of the nurses there. Chubby faced (like me), fair (like me, again), shiny black hair (like me, duhh!!), sexy lips (angelina jolie?) and cute sepet eyes (hah those are from the daddy haha).

I remember how happy my parents and my parents in law were when they came and visited me at the hospital. Papa got a new bestfriend (y not..all this while he was waiting for a baby boy in our family). Mama couldn't get her hands off from Zaim - she loves him soooo much! My dad in law all smiling. And my mom in law couldn't stop describing how 'buruk' he was. There were sayings that you should not say how CUTE the baby is (kire pantang laa). If not bad things would happened. So if you are to visit a newborn baby, say the opposite ones kay.

Now he's a healthy 1 year old baby. Walking, inspecting and 'helping out' are some of his hobbies. Cheeky to anyone, always greet everyone with a smile or at least he'll smirk. He loves books, Bob the Builder or any 3D cartoons played on PHDC, eating whatever he can and not to forget plush toys (we named them Lucy, Mr Alex, Bear and Elliott haha).

Can't wait to see him grow up but I don't want him to grow up too fast. Love love love him much!